36

It's over! My 36th and final assignment is finally over! No more poring over research articles and writing into the wee hours of the morning! I can finally throw away all those newspaper clippings and... books? Hmm... Better hold on a little longer in case my post-grad studies come to pass.

Praying that my GPA will cut it, else I end it with second lower. Thus far my grades have been rather decent, now just two more to clear in November. It has been a long, long journey. Juggling between work, social and study life is really an art. Not recommended for the faint-hearted really.

Now to prepare for the exams...

So long, farewell

Bade yet another farewell to a friend... just learned of her demise. She had steadfasty refused to see visitors despite several appeals. Guess she did not want us to see in the state that she was. The last I saw her was in campus... the sight was alarming enough to express my concern at the emaciated 'house'.

Goodbye N. Though our encounters were brief but I sure am glad that we met. See you in Father's residence one day...

Destiny's Child

It's the last day of September... and tomorrow I turn *gasp!* years... young. Will be celebrating the day I was born with children the world over, and not to mention millions of Muslims across the globe too.

In retrospect, my 36th year on earth has had been eventful - a major or mega life event that nearly did me in but only by grace did I survive the ordeal. A bitter lesson that I could have had avoided but it has to take an upheaval to make me learn. It was a crash course at the school of hard knocks that I pray I'll never have to go through ever! But looked what the ordeal led me to... I'm back to the people helping line, and I got my driving license! Something which I never thought I would return (former) and pick up again (latter).

All in all, I can only say, "God is good". Thank you, Abba. Let next year be a year of accelerated and double increase.

Up to my neck

My new staff finally joined today. A long wait but better late than never. Am ecstastic that I could finally hand over some adminstrative responsibilities to her. Been feeling like a 'glorified clerk' cum technical support to three hapless ladies in my office of late. I observed that women above 45 in general are rather impossible when it comes to IT related stuff such as software (don't even mention hardware!). Case in point? This is the first time I encountered people who don't even know how to do simple formatting such as bullets in word document. All three of them were stumped when I told them that their documents were default to double line spacing and if they could switch to single line spacing. How to do it, they implored. For crying out loud, they don't even know how to copy and paste! It is one thing to handle one imbecile at IT, it is another to vet or totally re-format three imbeciles' works til I feel like throttling them! My boss didn't even know how to remove the CD Rom from her disc drive, and had to call for help. Sighs... Though they were often grateful, I rather leave this kind of 'knight in shining armour' job to someone who relishes in something like this. Hopefully with this admin girl onboard, they can quit bugging me for the minutest thing. Lord, have mercy!

I perceive that my work relationship with my boss is only at a level where we're merely tolerating one another and just being nice and polite. We can't stand the sight of each other, at least that's how I view the situation. No thanks to her, I lost one of the most capable staff I ever knew, and she would only return provided this super kiasu and kiasi boss goes. Lord, you hear me? Do something about it please! What bothers me bothers you too, right?

Milestone

Am in seventh heaven... Finally got the much coveted driving license! What a wait it had been though. 8 years had come and gone since I last took the test. Turned out that this long respite did wonders to my composure behind the wheels :) Am grateful to my loved ones for their prayer and moral support.

Speaking of driving, was somewhat taken aback by my ex-boss' new car - a VOLVO! Known for his flashy tastes and loud colours, the 'boxy' car doesn't seem to gel with his ultra-cool image. He appears to be taking it in stride though. So good to see him and R again though. Getting together with them from time to time is something I look forward to. We dined at this marina with tear-drop sculptures. Was not too impressed with the place and whoever designed the fine dining restaurant did not capitalise on the scenic harbourfront. It looks rather claustrophobic. A pity indeed.

Looking ernestly to the day I own my car. Let it come to pass... soon.

Chan Mai Phen Rai

Was awakened by a surprise call from a dear Thai friend this afternoon... her country in turmoil, and she needed to get away for a while. She wanted to know if I can host her over the weekend. Told her I would be more than happy. Then she broke down. It seems everything's falling apart, so much in-fighting... within and outside of her. She feels like a walking civil war in the midst of an external civil war. What to say now... It must be a terrible feeling. Internal strife is bad enough, but to see your people fighting like that... it's a double whammy.

She subsequently messaged me to say say she changed her mind about visiting but thanked me for hearing her out. She decides to go up north to chill out with some close friends. Looks like I may have to make the trip sooner than thought to check how things are with my friends and ex-staff there. Bangkok holds such poignant memories for me. Beautiful place, beautiful culture, beautiful people. How did it ever come to this?!

Here's to you, land of smiles: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5yVUhYGrgQ&feature=related

Thanks baby, for the lovely song :)

August Moon

Today is the last day of August. I've wrote only three blog entries. But oh, what a month! It had been like a whirlwind... budget papers, events, case loads, not to mention an attractive offer that came unexpectedly... Alas, the timing couldn't be more unfortunate. My projects are lined up all the way to December and quitting now is likely to be deemed as 'abandoning the ship' by my boss. She had already made that clear when I informed her of my decision to pursue my master some time ago. I risk burning bridges if I choose to disregard that. On her part, she has made conscious effort to forge closer working ties since then, and this is much appreciated by yours truly. That aside, while the current work conditions are not exactly favourable, they are however, not big enough to be 'push factors'. Above all, I want to be sure that if I were to leave, it has to be for the right motivations and reasons. It's important that I think on even keel and keep my emotions in check.

September will be another challenging month... more talks and workshops ahead, tests and assignments too! A few important news and milestones as well. This is where the rubber meets the road. Will I 'make or break' in the face of these developments? One thing for sure though. I can't handle this alone. I need help (all the help in fact) from above. Calling the heavenly helpline... Hello?

They Don't Know

They don't know about us, babe. Those were the words I uttered when someone from the distant past asked whether I sensed if other people knew about our budding relationship. It was funny 'cause some did remark that we were like a pair of twins. When one was present, the other would not be too far off.

Then I stumbled upon this song... Was struck by the lyrics and immediately shared these lines with him: "Why should it matters to us if they don't approve? We should take our chance for we have nothing to lose." He was elated.

The song disappeared into the recess of my mind and resurfaced when I was googling for an unrelated subject on media and social identity... Thank God for You-tube! The lyrics are particularly poignant now... but this time around it's another line that speaks to me more: "There's no need to live in the past. Now I've found love I'm gonna make it last."

I thought it was a cute little ditty, with even cheesier music video... but what do we expect? It's the 80s! Didn't realise the singer is a comedian 'til she guest starred in Ally McBeal. Well, that explained the rather comical music video.

Here's the original version by Tracy Ullman:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4K1xnVFxfw0

A rather melancholic version by Katrina & the Waves:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dywp6Ktx3fI&feature=related

And a rock version!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sEavxDm9qEk&feature=related

Beauty Sleep

Been two weeks since I last wrote. Work's been crazy of late... Budget papers to submit, meetings to attend, admin work is piling (where is the replacement for my admin staff, HR?!), all these smacked in the middle of the busiest period of the academic semester (start of school term)! All of us in the office could hardly breathe... A little ironical that the very people inculcating the value of stress management themselves are under the mercy of stress during this trying time. Talk about practising what you preach.

As if not enough, the stressors are exacerbated by my back-to-back assignment deadlines. It's times like these that you wish the day is longer than night. It's madness considering how many things are vying for your attention in this 'pressure cooker' days of our lives. Managed to complete my first one this morning at 1.30am though. One down, five more to go...

Even more ironical is my first paper is on sleep, something that I can do with now... lots of it! Came across this cute song while doing my research: The Lion Sleeps Tonight

An oldie but a classic :)

King of Wishing Thinking

T is married. My first love is married.

Was on Facebook and something struck me to do a search for his name. His name (in full) topped the search list. It is him alright. The unmistakable boyish grin... Then I saw his wedding album.

It's been 10 years since we parted. It was not the easiest of parting... flashbacks of red eyes and pleading voice still recoil me. I did try to make amends subsequently, but the knife cuts deep. The last I heard from him was an sms one evening telling me what we did was 'wrong' and asked for my forgiveness. Completely taken aback (I didn't know how he got my number), I replied if we could talk. No reply. That same year, I sent him a Christmas sms greeting and he responded in kind. Then as if a chapter has finally closed, silence.

T, I know the chance of seeing you again is as remote as the Andes mountains. But if these are the words I wish to say: It is I who needs your forgiveness. For all that I did to you, you never once let me down. You seen me at my worst and yet chose to stand by me. You thought I was the stronger one, your better half. On the contrary, you were the one, T. The times we had together were the best days of my life, to date. How could I forget the evening at Seletar wet gap when we first confessed our love for another? Those little crumbled notes we wrote to one another. I lost you, it is completely my fault. I love you, T. So very much. If I could turn back time, I would right all the wrongs I had done.

Like the comments your friends left on your wall, you do looked great in that Mandarin suit. Your bride looked splendid. And most of all, you looked so happy. You have truly found your other half. And I've no doubt you'll be the better half. I give you my utmost blessings. May Yahweh bless you and your family with the dew of heaven and the fatness of the earth. May He keep you and your household safe and sound, protect you from any harm and danger, prosper all that you set your heart on, and supply you all your needs according to His riches in glory.

Thank you, T. Thanks for the closure.