King of Wishing Thinking

T is married. My first love is married.

Was on Facebook and something struck me to do a search for his name. His name (in full) topped the search list. It is him alright. The unmistakable boyish grin... Then I saw his wedding album.

It's been 10 years since we parted. It was not the easiest of parting... flashbacks of red eyes and pleading voice still recoil me. I did try to make amends subsequently, but the knife cuts deep. The last I heard from him was an sms one evening telling me what we did was 'wrong' and asked for my forgiveness. Completely taken aback (I didn't know how he got my number), I replied if we could talk. No reply. That same year, I sent him a Christmas sms greeting and he responded in kind. Then as if a chapter has finally closed, silence.

T, I know the chance of seeing you again is as remote as the Andes mountains. But if these are the words I wish to say: It is I who needs your forgiveness. For all that I did to you, you never once let me down. You seen me at my worst and yet chose to stand by me. You thought I was the stronger one, your better half. On the contrary, you were the one, T. The times we had together were the best days of my life, to date. How could I forget the evening at Seletar wet gap when we first confessed our love for another? Those little crumbled notes we wrote to one another. I lost you, it is completely my fault. I love you, T. So very much. If I could turn back time, I would right all the wrongs I had done.

Like the comments your friends left on your wall, you do looked great in that Mandarin suit. Your bride looked splendid. And most of all, you looked so happy. You have truly found your other half. And I've no doubt you'll be the better half. I give you my utmost blessings. May Yahweh bless you and your family with the dew of heaven and the fatness of the earth. May He keep you and your household safe and sound, protect you from any harm and danger, prosper all that you set your heart on, and supply you all your needs according to His riches in glory.

Thank you, T. Thanks for the closure.