Here We Go Again

Am soaking my feet in warm water as I'm writing this... exhausted from all that walking... up and down the stairs and hilly terrains under the hot sun carrying my laptop and notes... to give talks to a bunch of students who really couldn't be bothered with the messages I bring...

Certainly feels like it's back to the days of green camouflaged uniform again, except this time I'm dressed in business attire. Just one more day and it'll be over... 加油! I can really do with strength from above though.

Speaking of students, it's amazing how the feedback of a few naysayers can seemingly cancel out the positive comments from the majority. While I'm pleased that most of the students claimed that they benefited from my sharings, it appears that there are always a pocket of them who had nothing nice to say. I really should have accept the brickbats with grace but I guess there's a part of me that wants to say: "you really do like me!". Haha... that's Sandra Bullock from Ms Congeniality for you. Well, if it's anything, it only goes to show that no one, not even the Carpenter when He walked on earth, has complete favour in the sight of all men. I think what really should make a difference is that we find favour in the eyes of those who matter in our lives.

Back to the students, in a way I'm so glad I didn't choose the path of an educator. As it is, addressing groups of rather well-behaved tertiary students is already quite challenging for me, my heart goes out to the school teachers who have to deal with all sorts of students at the primary and secondary level. One week with the university students was already a tad bit too long for me. I can't imagine teachers who have to face the noise and unpredictable behaviours of the hormonal youths all year round. Remarkable indeed.

But I must say some of the students really looked hot! God must have spent a little more time on them, if I may borrow the words from N'Sync. I guess He created beautiful people and things to be admired, the works of His hands. But even these 'works of art' are not worth my while trekking around the #$! campus. Give me aircon anytime! Didn't LKY say something about it being man's greatest invention or something like that? :)

Farewell My Colleague

It's A's final day of work today. I'm already missing her... In fact, everyone is the office is going to miss her. She's by far the best admin officer I ever worked with... conscientious, hard-working and has initiative. Am not the only one with this opinion. M will probably be the one who will miss her the most. She has been relying on her for the most basic of paperwork all these while to a point that she's likely to feel 'handicapped' without her. Already she's sounding quite desperate... This is a case of not cherishing a blessing until it is gone. A has been such a wonderful blessing, but M has not been treating her well nor sensitive to her needs. I really hope that my path with A will cross again. She's definitely someone that I would like to work with - a gem of a colleague. I shudder to think of next week when the orientation programme commences. Most of us will out giving talks, and A won't be present to hold the fort! We will certainly need help from above.

My evening class resumes today. Thankfully this is my final semester. Have enough of TMAs and examinations. Exam stress is possibly one of the worst anyone can ever experience. Am really looking forward to November when it'll be all over. Next stop: master level. But that's another story :)

Overcomer

"Go on... jump!" the voice gently urged me. It was a night scene and I was standing at the edge of a ledge, opposite an apartment block. A couple of people (one was vaguely familiar) were encouraging me to take the plunge. Oddly enough, I got the feeling that this was not one of a senseless, act of destruction. But there was something more... Suddenly something struck me that I ever stood on this same ledge before. Exactly the same scene! As if reading my thoughts, the person next to me said, "You did it before." and smiled. Yes indeed, with one leap I jumped from the ledge right into the window of the unit directly opposite. I didn't how I did it but I did. The feeling was amazing, I recalled. What strength! What guts!

But it was different now. This time I was urged to jump off and fly! I took a look down and retreated in fright. It looked like a long way down. "Come on, you can do it," the voice comforted. "It's time to overcome your fears." My heart was pounding like crazy as both assisted me by my arms closer to the edge. "You can do this. Now jump!" And so I leapt. As I fell, I opened my arms and wonder of wonders, I felt myself lifted up. I actually find myself flying! The feeling of euphoria swept over me and it was indescribable! I started laughing as I realised I had defeated FEAR. I awoke with a startle and found myself smiling... Though it was just a dream, it was a heartening one as I had looked at fear in its eyes and kicked its butt!

I can imagine why this dream meant so much to me. Fear has a way of bringing people to their knees. I was standing on a 10-metre platform but this time it was not a dream. I was in the navy camp. Countless pairs of eyes were looking at me as I stood at the diving platform to "demonstrate" a proper dive. For some unexplained reasons, fear gripped me and I just could not bring myself to take the leap. Worse still, my very OWN recruits were coaxing me on, shouting words of encouragement. I made the mistake of looking down and suddenly the waters below looked like shark-infested ocean. I felt like throwing up and my knees decided to have fellowship with one another... I came down, tails between my legs, humiliated. Each step down the flight of stairs was painful. I could not even look at my recruits in the eye. It was a terrible feeling. Owing to this experience, I endeavour to overcome fear of heights at every opportunity. When I finally scaled the 10-metre wall during the rock-climbing course, I felt like crying. But this dream of yester-night was like the proverbial leap of faith.

I can do it.



On a separate matter, I dreamt of M... yet again. He looked different though. But still as flirtatious as ever... I wonder how he's doing now since we last parted. Peace, my soul, peace.

Zoe

Weekend just come and gone like that... Wish everyday feels like a weekend. In fact, there's no reason why everyday should not feel like a weekend. After all, why should the issues of life put me asunder? Why should I be below the circumstances? Despite the situations not being in my favour, do I not possess the power to rise above them? One of the toughest things in life is staying self-motivated. Guess that's what differentiates a leader from a follower. Everyone can do with a healthy dosage of motivation. But few can encourage and strengthen themselves out of the valleys... Realise that as and of myself, I can't go very far. Relying on my own strength is the perfect recipe for disaster. Yet I know of so many who are seemingly strong and able. It's a facade. Every mental health professional worth his or her salt knows that every person needs help one point or another in his or her life. Even Batman recognises that. Haha... He knows he can never be the hero he or people envision. Guess we're all searching for a hero. A person we can look up to. A person that's everything we're not. A person that is a beacon of hope in a world of chaos and senseless deeds and words.


Speaking of Batman, the Dark Knight was too 'dark' and a tad too long for my liking. If anything, the two-ferry scene was a good attempt at portraying the heroic spirit in humanity. It implies that every person is potentially a hero. A hero is the eyes of a loved one, a brother, a sister, a friend, a lover and even a stranger. I suppose even Hitler himself was a hero to someone (his lover perhaps), despite the heinous crimes he committed...

Back to weekends, yes everyday can be a weekend. Life need not be a drudgery. It should not be in the first place. Life is beautiful, and I endeavour to live life on higher grounds.

Lovers of Undies Unite!

And one of them is me... :)

Right Time, Right Place

She was slouching over the writing desk, her nose dangerously closed to touching the paper as she diligently took down notes as the trainer droned on... I watched her; intrigued by her odd posture and wondered if it is due to severe myopia or simply a matter of habit. Of greater concern is if she realised the potential harm she might be causing herself in the long run. I decided to share my observation with D as she's a trained nurse. What I was not prepared for was she promptly whipped out her handphone and took a snapshot of Ms Slouch. D said she wanted to show her her 'blindspot'. I asked D if she was sure and she said she meant her well. During the teabreak, D took an opportunity to have a private word with Ms Slouch and showed her 'evidence' of her harmful posture. The young lady gave D a cursory look and said, "I do not wish to have this conversation" and walked off.

D was really upset. 'She thinks I'm a lesbian?" she fumed. I had to do some 'damage control' and explained to her the principle of 'right time, right place, right word'. That good intention alone is often not enough in certain context. A kind gesture done when the other party is not in a receiving mode will just fall flat. Thankfully, she calmed down after my counsel and expressed her gratitude. On hindsight, perhaps I should not have shared my thoughts too readily and should have restrained D from taking the snapshot. D just happens to be a spontaneous and outspoken person. Anyway, lesson learnt: the same concept also applies in relationships. As I told R: the right guy at the wrong time is still the wrong guy... This offers a possible reason to the question people ask: "How come he seemed so right for me and yet it didn't work out."

CT is featured in the papers again today. A silver Jaguar... wow... he must be doing really well! This learning point is just as applicable as it is now as it was then - right guy, wrong time.

Wake up!

These Dreams

The recent 2-day workshop was rather dreary... The trainer can really yaketty-yak... In fact he talked himself hoarse by the end of the workshop. But what made it even dreary was the participants. There was simply no 'chemistry' - a fact not helped by the trainer's lack of facilitation. He appeared more keen in explaining the concepts or 'selling' the programme than anything else, which was a pity because had he given it a balanced approach, the message would have been more effective. The therapy offers a viable alternative approach to counselling but somehow it didn't leave a positive impression on me. The line of questioning is too intrusive and interrogative for my liking. Worse of all, de Shazer in the training video practically broke every basic etiquette that are "generally-accepted principles" - there was no eye contact, longer than usual pauses, he appeared disinterested and seemed to struggling with what questions to ask, and his questions even appeared rude at some point. Not a very positive demonstration, in my opinion.

What was interesting however, was the so-called 'miracle question'. If I apply it to myself... that a miracle happened while I was sleeping... what would it be like the next day. It is indeed thought-provoking. What kind of differences would the rest of the next day and life make? Hmm... If the miracles that I seek really take place, I should think there will be a world of difference in my life. I can envision myself smiling with relief as a heavy load of financial burden is lifted off my shoulders. My debts are paid, and I'll apply for my master programme immediately. I can quit my job with a peace of mind as I'll be able to study full-time with vast financial resources to see me through. I can go shopping for my car, house and even the things that I would like to buy... Financial freedom and security will be a dream come true. I can fulfil my calling to be a counselling psychologist and at the same time, pursue my dream of running my own resort and spa. Argh... a life of bliss and fulfilled goals.

I know that these dreams are not merely wishful thinking. They can come to pass. They will come to pass. Simply because I'm not without a God. I'm not withot hope. I just need to keep on believing and not lose my visions. Everyday is a day closer to my dreams unfolding. Unlike a people without destiny, I believe the universe conspires to make my dreams happen (quoting the words of Ralph W. Emerson).

Where Have All the Flowers Gone

The recent press reports on the treatments that our children been receiving from their caregivers and authority figures were rather disturbing. It didn't help when some held this 'mind your own business' attitude towards these shocking revelations. Don't they realise that horrendous crimes against humanity took place because people kept silent and glossed over seemingly small acts of abuses which eventually culminated into acts of atrocities?!

The Sunday Times carried an article on the 10 year-old boy who incurred the wrath of parents for... winning the track and field events. As he is unusually tall for his age, his build gives him an advantage over his competitors. His winning streak caused other parents to see red and it was reported that they booed, jeered, insulted and accused him of cheating. Some went as far as writing to the press and the education ministry to register their displeasure. A parent was even reported as saying that the boy "created so many outstanding records" that "there won't be any child who would be able to break them". But what is really saddening is that the boy was so traumatised by the negative attention that he had to hide in the toilet prior to the races.

I wonder if these parents are aware that this boy is flesh and blood with hopes and dreams just like their own children. For if someone were to put their child down and hurled insults and accusations like the way they did, would they take it lying down? And what kind of emotional damage would be inflicted on them as a parent, as well as on their child? Even if the boy is not really 10 years old and has "hair on his legs", did he really deserve the humiliating treatments the parents heaped on him? Were they really angry at him because he was perceived as cheating or were they angry that he had robbed their own children of the chance of winning? I also wonder if they realised what kind of role model they are setting in their children's eyes when they heaped scorns on a person receiving his prize or medal, justified or not. If they really have an issue, at most they don't have to offer applause. But to jeer and hurl abuses are way out of line!

I would have thought that if a "giant" were to win a competition in place of my child, it would be a wonderful opportunity to share the story of David and Goliath, or inculcate the importance of some life skills - such as winning is not everything in life. Alas, the ugliness of humanity rears its ugly head in this sad story. I just hope that this boy will emerge stronger and wiser from these unpleasant episodes and no permanent scarring takes place in his young heart. As for the children of these 'sore-loser' parents, may they emulate these negative qualities and grow to be champions in their own rights.

When Will We Ever Learn

Was searching for a Straits Times article online when I chanced upon this contribution to the forum:

Teach couples how to be parents
http://www.straitstimes.com/ST%2BForum/ST%2BForum.html

RECENTLY, I witnessed a scene at a wet market that could have been taken right out from the fiction of Charles Dickens.

Two small boys, about five and eight years old, were with their father. Suddenly, the 40-something-year-old man turned around sharply to the elder boy and, in a fierce voice, slapping his head at the same time, shouted: 'Didn't I tell you the answer to this question on this test paper and still you don't know?'

He next walked off briskly, again shouting: 'I'm leaving both of you here.' This led the younger boy to call out, 'Mummy,' as both ran to catch up with him.

The Registry of Marriages should introduce a pre-marital course for couples intending to tie the knot on the duties and responsibilities of parenting.

While this does not guarantee that parental abuse will be completely stemmed, it should go some way to curb this social ill. Any benefit accruing from such a pre-marital advisory course would, of course, be incalculable for their future offspring and, as a corollary, for the social good as well.

Yap Swee Hoo


What appalled me was the couple of comments that went:

Maybe ROM should introduce a course called "Mind your own business" for people like Swee Ho too..
Posted by: 0517elias at Tue Jul 08 12:50:38 SGT 2008

Nowadays children are horrible. Teach them several times also they dont remember. They play play game boy, PSP, etc and never do study. What a parent can do? You must be a childless parent to write such a letter. If you have a monster child who test your patience to the limits, you will know better.
Posted by: Juosterr at Tue Jul 08 12:49:39 SGT 2008


Going by their arguments that children nowadays are horrible and deserved the treatment that the father gave his children, and people like Swee Hoo should mind their own business, then I fear greatly for our children of tomorrow. NO WONDER many grew up dysfunctional! I think Dave Teo is a classic example of what happens when a child is beaten, punched and slapped once too often... He becomes part of a vicious cycle of unbridled anger. When will this madness ever going to end?

The judge's take on the case (with quotations from Ecclesiastes) thankfully brings comfort that sanity will prevail. Thank you, your honour.

Angel of the Morning

Every now and then, a gem of a (forbidden) love story was unearthed. Thanks be to a very special angel who sent me the link in the morning, I can enjoy these movie clips in cyberspace. Funny yet poignant, it is no Brokeback Mountain but more like a gay version of My Best Friend's Wedding. Great acting from a great-looking cast, some really hilarious scenes and the scene-stealer of two lovers walking down the aisle might... well... stirs up hope (or scorn?) for many jaded hearts.

http://v.ku6.com/special/index_2461411.html

A Word in Season

Come across this treasure trove of proverbial sayings: http://www.freemaninstitute.com/quotes.htm that are truly enlightening; thanks to my boss who asked me to search for quotable quotes for our website :)

On success:
The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will. - Vince Lombardi

On dreams (and visions):
If you can dream it, you can do it. - Walt Disney

On resilience:
A thick skin is a gift from God. - Conrad Adenauer

On leadership:
Leaders are like eagles. They don't flock. You find them one at a time. - Vince Lombardi

On meekness:
The boss isn't always right, but he is the boss. - Dave Robertson

On procrastination:
If you really want to do something, you will find a way. If you don't, you will find an excuse. - Anonymous

On worry:
Worry is paying interest on trouble that may never come. - Robert C. Savage

On unhealthy habits:
A habit cannot be tossed out the window; it must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time. - Mark Twain

On uncontrolled anger:
Speak in anger and you'll give the greatest speech you'll ever regret." - Anonymous

On critical people:
Critics are like eunuchs in a harem. They're there every night, they see it done every night, they see how it should be done every night, but they can't do it themselves. - Brendan Behan

On attitude:
Your attitude determines your altitude. - Vince Lombardi

On perceiving people:
If you see good in everybody, nearly everybody will see good in you. - Anonymous

On self-image:
Do not worry about what people are thinking about you, for they are not thinking about you. They are wondering what you are thinking about them. - Anonymous

On irony (ala Mrs Goh CT's peanut analogy)
I get so tired of listening to one million dollars here, one million dollars there. It's so petty. - Imelda Marcos, (married to Ferdinand Marcos)

On grudges:
Resentment is like taking poison and hoping the other person dies. - St. Augustine

On forgiveness:
Forgiveness is not an occasional act: it is a permanent attitude." - Martin Luther King

On happiness:
The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything. - Anonymous

On meaningless pursuits:
The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. - Lily Tomlin

On kindness:
Let me be a little kinder. Let me be a little blinder to the faults of those around me. - Edgar A. Guest

On life:
Life is an onion. You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep. - Carl Sandburg

And my favourite... on humour:
I am in shape. Round is a shape. - Anonymous

Kung Fu, Anyone?

Went to catch the Kung Fu Panda last Friday night. It was hilarious, and the message on believing in the best of oneself was timely and heartwarming. We all need to look into the mirror of our hearts and envision the image of a hero, a champion and a winner. This world has too many sob stories of unaccomplished dreams and unfulfilled quests. We all need inspiration. Hope this hunk in kung fu poses will inspire (or perspire) some :) Enjoy!