Will you look what love has done to me

Was accessing my favourite personals site just the other day and realised that his profile was disabled. Huh?! Where is he? What happened? As if I couldn't believe it, I clicked on his last message to me over... and over... again. The same text box flashed "profile disabled". It then dawned upon me that I'd been checking out his profile each time I visit. Didn't send him any message each time... just wanted to see his picture. Am I crazy or what? Why am I pining for someone who blew hot and cold...? The last party we had was disastrous. Me and my bright ideas! Argh! The very sight of him with another was just too much to bear...

It didn't help that you're so bloody cute *growl!*. Guys were all over you in a jiffy. Well, at least we straightened out the record. I expressed how I felt and he... expressed how he felt. But I believe him not. He's just a hurt and frightened child who dares not venture where angels fear to tread. But I blame him not. In many ways, I'm just like him...

Oh M, I'm frightened as much as you... It's been a good 10 years since someone made me feel the way you did. Why did you do the things you did on our first encounter! It was supposed to be good, clean fun. How did I ever end up falling for you?! I wish I had stood my grounds then. For years, I have had steadfastly refused to yield to romantic overtures... til you come along. Look what you had done to me! I can't believe that you appeared in my dream. Ok, time out! Back to planet earth. I gotta get a grip of myself. Breathe...

Perhaps it's a good thing that he's out of the personals. Then I can stop this stupid business of clicking on his profile like an act of impulse. Perhaps it's a good idea that I delete his number. Then I can forget him once and for all. Perhaps I should put on extra guards around my heart. Then I won't go through this rollercoaster ride ever, ever again. Enough is enough.